Times surrounding later stages of pregnancy and the arrival of babies can be particularly difficult.
These are times of enormous change, and usually great uncertainty on everybody's part.
Sometimes there are anxieties about  who  the father is, it is almost a worry for every father, but such doubts are, of course, an enormous and devisive insult for a mother.
Very often there are anxieties  about  the mother's  health. Death in child-birth used to be a very common occurrence.  The baby's  health is also critical to a couple,  There is just so much that can go wrong, and when it does, there is frequently nowhere to take the problem.
Speak with us on the phone about it and follow the links later which will help you to other sources of help.
A significant number of young mothers experience "baby blues" through to a full-blown post natal depression. This is a very significant illness and you will definitely need professional help for the mother, usually via your doctor or health visitor, and very probably support for yourself. The vast, vast majority of mothers recover very well, but the problems last and last, the recovery is usually over 3 month and 6 month periods. You will both need a lot of support from a wide range of people.

The death of a near relative, particularly a parent, or a child, will almost inevitably  raise enormous tensions, for a whole variety of reasons, as do  bad  accidents, and, at one level, to a somewhat lesser extent, severe illnesses or unemployment.
Soldiers or other military personnel returning from war zones or other very stressful situations are another phenomena which does not cause domestic abuse /  violence but, where it is present, it often increases the frequency and severity.

You can find different types of counselling help at http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk by "type of problem" location, etc

Figures taken from the RElate Website in a document dated Dec 2007 Dr Aneta D Tunariu.
http://www.relate.org.uk/Documents/bridging_to_change.pdf
    
Three Relate centres run projects with domestic abusers.
The Bridge project in Coventry started in March 2005, which means that up to December 2007 it had been running for 142 weeks.
The Change project in Bournemouth started in May 2005, which means it had been running for 136 weeks and
the Somerset Change project started in September 2005 which means it had been running for 118 weeks.   All three projects run a 30 week course. (p 15).
The Bridge project has 19 men who have completed the work. If we take off the 30 weeks before which they could not have had a completion this means that 19 men have completed the work in 112 weeks.
The Bournemouth Change project has seven men who have completed the work, similarly this means that they have seven men who have completed the work in 106 weeks.
The Somerset Change project has 10 men who have completed the work. This means that they have 10 men who have completed the work in 88 weeks.  
To summarise: 19 completed in 112 weeks, seven completed in 106 weeks and 10 completed in 88 weeks.
36 men completed in 3 projects in 306 weeks.  
There is therefore one completion per nine weeks.  This averages out at about six completions per project per year.

Many of the organisations available via the "national helpline" are enclosed below.
The length of their work is given and contact sources, sometimes too, their foundation date. The problems for very many of the organisations are that they are working to a theory which is neither statistically, morally or ethically supportable, and, having developed their work with clients who were compelled to attend, they never really learnt how to engage with men who are attending largely voluntarily. Voluntarily attending men usually recognise for themselves that they need to do something about their problems with their behaviour and thus,  problems with "denial and minimisation"  are greatly  reduced  in his group.  This fact alone reduces their resistance and inhibitions to taking on new ideas and trying out new ways of behaving. They are not blocked in the same way that many a reluctant, compulsory attender is blocked.  With voluntarily attending individuals you can, by and large work with them, not "against" them.  You do not have to overcome the "injustice" they experienced in the courts when their defence of their behaviour was disbelieved and they were convicted.

The following are the projects which as far as we know are currently working with domestic abusers.

The second list are those projects that have (or may have) worked wih abusers in the past, and it is therefore possible that they will have found finance so that they can work once again.

To the best of our knowledge only STOP in Leeds  works with  women, apart from TEMPER  that is.

RESPECT is a membership organisation, in part it is funded by the Home Office with the object of directing abusers to projects which meet certain "standards", and its membership consists mainly of organisations that work to the "Duluth  Model". 
We have many, very deep criticisms about the way in which the organisation works, the fundamentally restrictive beliefs upon which they work, patriarchy as the sole cause of domestic violence, and the way in which the work which they mainly advocate is undertaken.
The effectiveness in engaging with their clients of at least some of the programmes which they support, is very poor indeed.
We suggest that anyone approaching an organisation signposted by RESPECT should ask the very fundamental  question - "What percentage of the men that start a programme complete it?"
You then need to ask yourself the question - why do so many men drop out?  After all, virtually all self-referring men recognise they have a problem and are at least willing to work at it!  They have thus almost completed two stages of a 5 stage process of bringing about change in themselves before they even approach a programme!  So, having made these first, difficult steps, how and why are they deterred from continuing this process? Maybe the answers have something to do with the same reasons that the Probation Service has trouble in recruiting and retaining male tutors for their programmes!

When several of these organisations were working with court-directed abusers they believed that self-referring men would bring a greater determination and commitment to the work, and would thus improve the statistics of that time. However, the fact is that the very poor statistics of the late 90s have virtually halved now. You can read an example of the statistics at
http://www.charity-commission.gov.uk/registeredcharities/ScannedAccounts/Ends49%5C0001083549_ac_20070331_e_c.pdf     page 8 paragraph 2 and 3.

RESPECT VOLUNTARY SECTOR MEMBERS PERPETRATOR PROGRAMMES WITH ASSOCIATED WOMEN'S SUPPORT SERVICES ACCURATE AS AT 18.02.08 ENGLAND   1.  Screams in Silence*-Cheshire (Stockport) *specialists South Asian communities   2.  Safe Domestic Abuse Team, NSPCC-Cumbria (Barrow in Furness)   3.  Let Go Project-Cumbria (Penrith)   4.  Ahimsa-Devon (Plymouth)   5.  REPAIR-Devon (Barnstaple)   6.  REPAIR-Devon (Exeter)   7.  REPAIR-Devon (Newton Abbot)   8.  Family matters-Dorset (Bournemouth)   9.  Families without Fear-Greater London (Camden)   10.  SIRI behavioural health*-Greater London (Haringey) *specialists African and African Caribbean communities   11.  DVIP*-Greater London (Hammersmith) *Includes Al Aman project, specialists Arabic speaking communities   12.  DVIP-Greater London (Southwark)   13.  DVIP-Greater London (Newham, Waltham Forest, Barking and Dagenham)   14.  The Men's Centre-Greater London (Islington)   15.  Tryangle Project-Greater London (Greenwich)   16.  Hampton Trust*-Hampshire *operates at more than one site but details not given)   17.  Pendle DV Initiative-Lancashire (Pendle)   18.  Domestic Violence Integrated Response Project-Leicestershire (Leicester)   19.  INPACT-Merseyside (Knowsley)   20.  Merseyside Abusive Partner Programme-Merseyside (St Helens)   21.  NSPCC: Liverpool-Merseyside (Liverpool)   22.  S.A.F.E.-North Yorkshire (Scarborough)   23.  S.A.F.E.-North Yorkshire (Redcar)   24.  Relate Northamptonshire-Northamptonshire (Northampton)   25.  Somerset Change-Somerset (Yeovil)   26.  Somerset Change-Somerset (Bridgewater)   27.  Walsall DVF Ltd (SAFE)-Staffordshire (Walsall)   28. South Tyneside Domestic Abuse Perpetrator Programme -Tyne and Wear (South Shields)   29.  Surestart Newcastle-Tyne and Wear (Newcastle)   30.  Chrysalis-North Tees (Stockton)   31.  Chrysalis-North Tees (Hartlepool)   32.  Relate Coventry-West Midlands (Coventry)   33.  S.T.O.P.-West Yorkshire (Leeds)   34.  8 days a week-West Yorkshire (Bradford)   35.  SPLITZ support services-Wiltshire (Trowbridge)   36.  SPLITZ support services-Wiltshire (Salisbury) WALES   37. Montgomeryshire Family Crisis Centre-Powys   Notes: -  Many of the above projects take referrals from a wider geographical area than the town / borough they are based in. -  There is a new group starting in March 2008-Relate Greater Manchester. March 2008

The following article highlights what is now being perceived in America, 20 years on.

Domestic Violence Treatment Policies Put Abused Women in Harm's Way

By Glenn Sacks   Despite the widespread publicity surrounding the renewal of the Violence Against Women Act and October's Domestic Violence Awareness Month, little attention has been given to a crucial aspect of the battle against domestic violence-the way batterers' treatment programs are conducted. Yet there is a growing consensus among treatment providers that the strategies currently mandated are ineffective, and are placing abused women in harm's way.   Current treatment strategies are based on the Duluth model, which depicts domestic violence as a function of patriarchy and men's patriarchal privilege. This model assumes that the reason men physically abuse women is to maintain control over them.  In ideologically-driven classes for offenders, men in need of serious psychological intervention are instead screamed at and called "domestic terrorists" and "fascists."   A recent report by the National Research Council's Committee on Law and Justice condemns these programs for failing to consider non-Duluth causes of domestic violence. The report criticizes the way batterers are "treated as a homogeneous group," and states that treatment programs are "driven by ideology and stakeholder interests rather than by plausible theories and scientific evidence of cause."   While some domestic violence no doubt stems from a warped desire to control spouses or intimates, most experts believe that the roots of domestic violence generally lay elsewhere. Psychologist Donald G. Dutton, author of The Abusive Personality: Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships, asserts that personality disorders are the cause of most domestic violence. According to Dutton: Treatment providers who work with abusive men are very frustrated by the current domestic violence treatment paradigm. Research shows that Duluth-oriented treatments are absolutely ineffective, and have no discernible impact on rates of recidivism.  These methods cannot work because they preclude patients from developing the crucial therapeutic bond with their treatment providers. However, when we treat offenders like normal patients by focusing on personality disorders and employing cognitive-behavioral treatments, we see progress."   Last year University of Houston psychologist Julia C. Babcock and her cohorts published a meta-analytic review in Clinical Psychology Review which examined the findings of 22 studies on domestic violence treatment programs. The authors found that in the few genuine cognitive-behavioral therapy treatment programs available, CBT is effective in reducing recidivism among DV offenders.   Unfortunately, powerful but misguided domestic violence organizations have used their influence to squeeze out psychotherapeutic treatments and instead preserve Duluth-oriented methods.  Some states even have statutes barring funding for non-Duluth programs such as: communication enhancement or anger management techniques; techniques which identify poor impulse control as the primary cause of the violence; or individual, couples, marriage, or family therapy.    Even addiction counseling models are sometimes banned. As a result, drug and alcohol-addicted men receive lectures on the patriarchy instead of the substance abuse programs they need. Batterers' treatment has become so politicized that many therapists refuse to become domestic violence treatment providers. Seattle marriage and family therapist Michael Thomas calls batterers' treatment the "third rail" of the profession and believes that many therapists won't do batters' treatment because "they're afraid of what happens to their careers if they try to do treatment based on normal treatment policies or to employ whatever works." For example, Thomas says that while couples therapy can be very effective in cases of low grade, mutual violence, conducting it or even suggesting it in conferences can "put your career at risk."    Abused women who have elected to remain in their relationships are themselves unhappy with the Duluth-oriented court-ordered treatment their male partners receive. According to Dutton, dropout rates in support groups for these women are extremely high, in large part because they believe the programs their male partners are required to attend are over-politicized, ill-conceived and ineffective.   Writer Nev Moore attended a similar support program at Independence House in Hyannis, Massachusetts, after her husband Tom was arrested for assaulting her during a drinking binge. Moore characterizes the treatment she and her husband received after the incident as being ideologically-driven, amateurish, and out of touch with reality.   The domestic violence treatment system is further burdened by the by -products of overzealous, anti-male police and prosecutorial policies. These policies often result in court-mandated batterers' treatment programs for men who engaged in mutual or trivial abuse, who were falsely accused of domestic violence in child custody manoeuvres, or who in some cases were actually the victims, not perpetrators, of abuse in their relationships.  Both Dutton, and Phil Cook, program director of the domestic violence organization Stop Abuse for Everyone, believe that only a quarter of the men enrolled in batterers' treatment programs are actually batterers.   Over the past three decades advocates for battered women have achieved numerous important gains for abused women. These include: greater legal intervention on behalf of victims; increased options for women fleeing abusive relationships; and greater funding for and attention to victims of domestic violence. However, many of these gains are being frittered away because of these advocates' misguided commitment to treatment programs which don't work, and which put battered women in danger of further abuse.  A meaningful re-evaluation of batterers' treatment policies is needed so that treatment programs are selected for their effectiveness, not their ideology.

Name  Men Only* Area Founded / method sessions Phone / email website
Ahimsa   Plymouth PLI 3LP 01752213535 ahimsa.org.uk   Not on website founded 1989 /  eclectic methods 48 sessions x - 2.5 hours
Chrysalsis Stockton-on-Tees 2001 Duluth 33 + sessions 2.5 hours each 01642 73305 mwatsondotchin@nspcc.org.uk  
Gateshead Gateshead 2001 T: 0191 433 5600 Duluth Minimum of 32 sessions           -
-3 hours each- 3 - 4 interviews with perpetrator 
Derby Domestic Violence * Intervention Project 01332256911   Derby 2006 DVIP / Duluth model 37 sessions 2 hours each -Between 6 - 8 clients closed group 
The Bridge  Coventry CVI 3J2 2005 Duluth 27 sessions  - 2 hours each 02476225863 TheBridgelnfo@relatecoventry.org  
Durham Programme Durham County 2005 DVIP / Duluth model 34 sessions -2 hours each 0191 3752801  
DVIP  London  02087486512  penny@dvip.org 1992 29 sessions 2.5 hours each
Everyman Project * London 1992 28 sessions 0207 263 8884  
The Hampton Trust Hampshire, Portsmouth T: 023 8021 3520. 1998 Duluth model 30 sessions 2.5 hours each rolling and closedsarah.curl@hamptonl  
Impact Knowsley Kirkby L32 7PR 2003 DVIP model: Duluth, 32 sessions 3 hours each 0151 548 3333 angelacholet~kdvss@tinyworld.corr  
Intercept Project  Castleford Normanton WFIO 5LT STOP model 14 sessions - 2 hours each 01977 665 712 Helen.cox@ewpct.nhs.u  
The Men's Centre  London N8 6QS 1985 cognitive behavioural 30 1.5 - 2.5 hrs 0207 267 8713 adamjukes@blueyonder.co.uk  
Merseyside Abusive Partners Project  St. Helens 1995 Duluth + new attachment 26 sessions 2.5 hours each 01744621 118/621 119 roywilliams@shdwa.co.uk  
NSPCC - Liverpool Merseyside DVIP model Duluth & female abusers 10 week assessment 20 session x 2hrs each 0151 737 1999 www.nspcc.org.uk
Montgomeryshire Family   * Crisis Centre Newtown Powys 2001 Respects model 26 sessions x 3hrs 01686629114 Shirley.management~familyCriSiS.COUk  
Pendle DV Initiative (PDVI) * Pendle BB9 5WZ Cognitive behavioural 27 sessions - 2 hours each up to 2 individual catch ups 01282 661806 wendy@pdvi.org.uk  
Repair  Barnstaple Devon EX3I I DR 2004 Duluth model Ahimsa model 44 sessions -2.5 hours per group session + 8 - 10 individual 0777 339 4278 peterosser@btopenworld.com  
S.A.f.E.  Redcar Middlesbrough; Redcar & Cleveland; Tees Vahey 2005 profeminist 25 sessions 3 hours each T: 01642 835 075 E: janholden  
SAFE Domestic Abuse Team* Barrow-in-Furness Cumbria 2002  nspcc Duluth 28 seessions x hrs + 3 individual T: 01229 838 746 bsafe@nspcc.org  
Splitz Support Service Trowbridge Wiltshire 1995 Duluth 30 x 2 hours 01225 777 724 splitz@splitz.org  
TRYangIe Project Plumstead SEI8 7JW 2003 Duluth 32 x 2.5 hrs 02088557564 info@tryangle.org.uk  
WalsaIl Domestic Violence Forum Walsall postcode 2001 D.V.I.P. programme Minimum of 32
 sessions -               3 hours each 01922406767 RogersS@walsall.gov.uk  
Stop Leeds
EB4U Brighton and Hove T: 01273 291682  W: www.eb4u.org.uk 36 x 2 hour sessions
Families without Fear Queens Park N. London 020 7644 6255  www.familieswithoutfear.org.uk 35 x 2 hours
Pendle  Lancashire 01282 661 806  wendy@pdvi.org.uk

The following projects have worked with people with abusive behaviour. The last we heard they were no longer doing so, but it might be worth checking with them to find out if any service is available.

Currently Not working with abusers - but have worked with abusers some considerable time ago: but please check
Leicester Action on Domestic Violence (LADV)  0116 266 1131
Warwickshire Domestic Violence Support Svcs 01788 537 112, offered 1 to 1 counselling for some time
Watford Turnaround    01923 250 489
Cardiff

"Co-ordinating Community Responses to Domestic Violence - Lessons from Duluth and Beyond" Melanie Shepherd and Ellen Pence.

Work with domestic abusers   Our work emerged from RELATE in 1994. We immediately recognised that work with abusers was potentially too dangerous for a single agency to engage in, and that RELATE risked too much of its good reputation to work with a client group where potentially a great deal can go wrong.  We separated. We have been regularly delivering this type of work since 1996, in very much the same format, because it largely works, but with the improvements in content which the delivery of over 100 courses  can provide.    For many years we have worried about the impact of RESPECT on this type of work. RESPECT claim to represent "Best practice". For a long time we have been amazed at their claims but it is only recently, from our reading, we have begun understand just what their view of "best practice" is about, and why they are seeking to impose it.   A corner stone of work with abusers is that it must be as effective as possible. It may not "solve" an abusers problems, but it must address them. If it fails to address them it was useless for the client, useless for a partner and any children of the family, and useless for society.   Abusers come in both sexes, more men than women, but both sexes. Abusers are also found in each type of sexual relationship, heterosexual, gay and lesbian. There is also a very wide spectrum of abuse, a kind of continuum, but not necessarily a continuum along which all abusers will progress.   The militant feminist movement of the 70s and 80s developed a stereotype abuser. Popularly - perhaps unpopularly - he is called a "snake", an "urban terrorist". It is always a HE, despite the now recognised facts that 14.9% of domestic abuse (at least) is by women on men.   That man does exist. I have interviewed many more than 1,000 men and women and I have met him on a handful of occasions, 20 at most. But this is not to say that he does not exist much more often, amongst the cases which go to court and get prosecuted, for example. Obviously we only see a self "selected" cross-section, which is not going to be representative.   I am going to suggest that the militant feminist movement believes that "violent men do not change - the only thing for a woman to do is to leave him." That was certainly Sandra Horley's view when she addressed a conference in Northampton in 1994, those were her exact words. The feminist movement understandably wants to protect women. In those days they had very little money with which to run refuges.   But they also recognised that, for Duluth's plans to be realised,  work with abusers needed to take place, and they didn't want to do it, realising that it would bring them into exactly the same conflicts that the police had experienced for years before. They also wanted this work to fail. That way   So, when the opportunity arose in 1991 they founded the Domestic Violence Intervention Project (DVIP) in London. They made certain requirements. Those requirements still form the basis of DVIP and RESPECT to this day.  They are the fundamental problems that this type of   work encounters today, with the exception that they now "appear" to be knowledge gained from within, after all this time and experience. They are, in fact, still based on "stereotypes taken from without".


RESPECT's objective is to work with an abuser on behalf of a female victim.

They must run a female victim supporting project - which we view as positively dangerous, because of the suspicions of both parties about the role and "interference" of the organistion. They may only work with men. Patriarchy must be the focus. Gender analysis must be included. They may not apply to traditional funders of womens aid and the feminsist movement.