For those seeking help to change their abusive behaviour to a wife or husband, a partner or former partner.
But first one news flash and then another!
We are now recruiting for a new service in North West London
0203 286 4482, 0121 270 61 68, 01604 211 445
Additionally there is a new Skype number for victims that need to talk face to face and at greater length: Temper.Domesticviolence
Additionally in London we are making a concerted effort to engage with young families and particularly where a woman is pregnant or there are recently born or very young children in the family.
A new website lays out the Heart of England Model
Another new website gives the academic criticism against (Respect's) feminist ideology. It explains in some detail the problems faced by the Pro-feminist Model, the RESPECT accreditation and some of the problems faced by programmes funeled into that method. It references the paper calling for the abandonment of the RESPECT accreditation.
You are advised to be cautious when approaching a radical (pro-) feminist aligned project, the kind advocated by the RESPECT, more information is linked here. You can find alternatives at this linkl. Counselling-directory.org.uk
For potential clients, men and women.
Are you violent, aggressive, abusive to a wife or husband, a partner or a former partner
or mixtures of these towards your partner or former partner?
Do you want to change?
If so we may well be able to help you do just that. Applicant booklet with application form. Dates for the courses are more accurately given at this address
Birmingham Courses are generally run the third weekend in the month in Birmingham. Course start dates can be found at this linked address
Northampton: No new dates currently offered.
Harrow / Wembley - North London: Course start dates are at the above linked address.
The course we devised 18 years ago and have improved
upon ever since runs like this. You can currently attend in either
Birmingham, North London (or upon sufficient demand in Northampton). As and when finance becomes available our
plans are to work in other places, too. Manchester and Bristol are amongst our next priorities.
Stage 1 (day 1, weekend 1)
You start to learn new skills, which will allow you to start changing in the very first hour.
Stage 2 (day 2, weekend 1)
and examine your own violent reactions. In addition, we will help you
develop higher-level skills and begin to teach you how to empathise with your
Stage 3 (Weekend 2 Day 3)
establish exactly what your violent, aggressive, abusive behaviour is
and learn new ways of managing it, exactly for your particular case.
Stage 4 (Weekend 2 Day 4)
As a group we develop a 3 stage plan for you to manage yourself from now on.
The ending of the group and "dealing with the baggage" is explored. Preparations for ongoing support are made.
The course has three main components and a therapeutic thread.
a) Learning new skills with which to manage yourself in a couple relationship and understand yourself and your partner (and children) .
b) Learning about many different important aspects of yourself and your relationship.
c) Developing your awareness so that you can "regulate your emotions", rather than 'simply' managing your anger.
Although in schools people learn a great deal of information by reading and writing, the skills needed for couple relationships are mainly about practical communication. The skills can be developed and observational and reflective processes with that. It follows that most of the practice is with aural, oral and interpretative skills.
Couple relationships are dependent upon the careful recognition of another person's "emotional communication", so this is, of course, also developed and practised. There is virtually no reading and no writing involved in the course. You learn mainly by doing and practising.
"Therapy" helps people to learn more quickly and more easily and an "emotional/therapeutic thread" helps to motivate people. By following "the thread" people are "engaged with" and thus drawn through the work. This "therapeutic component" is capable of changing "the whole base" on which they exist.
We ourselves were stunned by the progress registered in one client by the one piece of qualitative research into our work which was undertaken on Social Services behalf in the context of child protection.
"Attachment" forms the basis of all intimate relationships and so attachment theory provides the lens, if you like, through which the majority of this work needs to be carried out. When this therapeutic thread is grasped, or if the facilitators are able to make it available, an individual can make enormous progress. The report on "Dave" at the bottom of this page and on page 8 clearly illustrates this. It clearly indicates a man who made such enormous progress it would probably not be an exaggeration to say that he was a changed personality, according to the examining psychology team. For people who are not abusers but who wish to understand about emotions and a possible way in which they "work", Emotional Insights provides seminars into a way of understanding basic emotions. www.emotionalinsights.co.uk and a meaningful way of approaching the problems of both abusers and victims and males and females, in both roles and in bi-directionally abusive scenarios, statistically the most common kind!
How else do we help?
Early intervention. When someone asks us for help we attempt to deliver it, early. So our target is to get to a first meeting with them within a week to 14 days of them contacting us.
We usually meet in the person's own home, or somewhere close to where they live. Our experience is that these meetings happen. Maybe one or two people a year "miss" the appointment. We have transport and can get to you. We save on not having to run an office in a run-down part of a city to which you would have to come.
Costs: We ask people to contribute what they reasonably can up to £480. We charge Social Services and the courts £580 per place and an additional fee for a report. We will not accept cases involved with Social Services or the courts unless they are fully funded. (The CAFCASS fee for the above work is approximately £2,500).
Our figures and averages are available on separate sheets in the other website. Severely underfunded and consequently running each of 2 projects at about 1/3rd capacity our income has averaged £20,671 over the 15 years. RESPECT's flagship project, DVIP in London, running 4/5 projects recorded in 2007 33 men completing their "work" of 230 who contacted the organisation. They were budgeted at £219,000 for that strand of their work, which represented less than 1/3rd of their overall budget as recorded that year. They claimed an effectiveness rate of 70%. That would mean an effective outcome for those 22 men at a cost of?
Other Duluth style projects have typically completed work with between 6 and 8 men per year or less. Evidence exists for 3 Relate projects, 36 men in 306 weeks, South Tyneside, 7 men in 2 years.
You have been warned! It could be you!
Emotions drive behaviour, not "power and control".
"Anger management" is
often what is deemed to be needed by the authorities. But since emotions drive behaviour
it is more likely that you need to learn how to "regulate your emotions
". Anger may well be one of them, but some cases are really more about
fear, or jealousy or "attachment".
"Affect regulation" is the expression for the new therapies which are now quickly emerging, resulting from the new sciences which are converging on emotions and which are slowly supplanting "Cognitive behavioural therapy" CBT.
Most self-referring domestic abusers are simply not about achieving "power and control" over a partner. The late Ellen Pence recognised this and honestly acknowledged it in 1999, the quote is both of the other two websites and on this page.
Prior to separation, the term "Intimate terrorist" applies to 7 men per 1,000 and 5 women per 1,000, Johnson (2000). This is why work needs to be available for both men and women, and why there needs to be support for a substantial number of male victims.
People that are separating need close support to help them to manage themselves during the separation. It can be a time of depression, and much worse.
The vast majority of our work is undertaken with people displaying "situational couple violence" or "mutual couple violence" some cases of "violent retaliation" and a handful of "intimate terrorists"..
Assuming you finish the course, we will continue to support you for up to a year by telephone and email and, for people who need it, further face-to-face work is available. Usually we want to come back and see you a further 3 times after 2 months, 6 months and 1 year to hear and check out how you are managing with your new skills.
Our Club runs in one area where there are a number of people who have attended. People that take part can gain additional support from one another.
We work in roughly a 30 mile radius of Birmingham, Northampton and now North London. People travel in daily for two whole days' work at the weekend and return again to the same group usually 1 month later. Determined people with transport and who can afford a room for a Saturday night (£29.95 - £45) if booked a week in advance by internet direct with the hotel) travel from much further afield, Plymouth to Norwich, for example, in the past, Scotland to Birmingham.
The work is exhausting so we recommend not traveling in further than 1 hour per day to the venue. For people needing to use public transport, services are, unfortunately, sometimes not available to get you to the venue for a 9.00 start on a Sunday.
Most often our clients are in heterosexual relationships but gay men and lesbian women have also taken part successfully and without apparent difficulty.
We are mainly focused on sources of help for abusers rather than victims. There is relatively speaking masses of help available for female victims, and virtually none for men, victims or abusers. Contact information is available on the following page
Children are the main victims of domestic violence. A child is 4 times to 6 times more at risk of abuse than a women. A child may be at risk from a male or a female parenting figure or both.
In America approximately 62 % of child abuse is by women. In terms of deaths Ms Sandra Horley, CEO of REFUGE, regularly reminds us that 2 women per week are killed by a partner or former partner - 8 women per month. She forgets to mention 6 children per month and 2.5 men.
We started this work in 1995, unaware of the deep political motivations of radical feminism. RESPECT / DVIP via radical feminist's obvious effort is to ensure that abuser programmes fail. When men fail radical feminists succeed. Our view is that when men fail, families (and 1.9 children) in very many cases fall into chaos. The Centre for Social Justice highlights many of the problems of "Broken Britain" and the extensive damage caused by broken families. Broken families are a radical feminist goal, it follows from their mantra "all men are abusers and all women are victims." You can see and hear much more about the details of "Duluth", the abuser programme and the politics of radical feminism and the things of which you need to be wary of at this link. You can also check it out in Wikipedia!
"Rolling Programmes", "30 sessions", "pro-feminist", "power and control", "violence (only) against women", "holding men accountable", "denial", "minimisation", "gender". On the ground many of the people involved in the projects may well be very interested and willing to help people change their behaviour; the trouble is they have, perhaps unknowingly, (just as we were ignorant about the politics, too,) adopted a programme that does not address the real problems.
There are one or two independent programmes amongst the RESPECT membership, so not all merit this criticism, but you do need to be cautious because vast numbers of men drop out from Duluth or Duluth descendant programmes, typically over 75%. Imagine the disappointment of the abuser and the heart-ache for the family from that failure.This link opens to one man's personal account of his experiences at DVIP
Policy decisions regarding cases referred to TEMPER by Social Services in Birmingham can be found on page 7.
Cafcass buys into RESPECT's radical feminism in a "health and safety" kind of way. The abuser programmes they might fund and permit are for men only, (for which they will pay between £2000- and £2,500 - for a completed programme but they must follow the radical feminist "patriarchy", gender analysis, power and control stand-point. CAFCASS chooses to ignore that the evidence of 35 years in America demonstrates minimal gains, they are also content that there is no work available for female abusers. They somehow miss or ignore the fact that a child is virtually equally at risk from a mother or from a father. A complete list of the courses CAFCASS recognises is available here and as much contact information as we can find for other projects, too, at the address two paragraphs above.
Research by Bristol University into a perpetrator programme in South Tyneside illustrates the Duluth problems graphically!
RELATE - Caution is still advised on a centre-by-centre basis, but I am delighted to say that RELATE's services are now much more likely, as from August 2011, to become couple orientated once again rather than radically feminist orientated - i.e. they seem to be returning to working appropriately with couples, using their enormous experience rather than cow-towing to radical feminism, and splitting couples as required by radical feminsim. Obviously RELATE, as an independent organisation, may work in any way they choose with clients. Thankfully they are now using their 75 years of experience of couple counselling, and having the confidence of their own convictions rather than following the " one size fits all" strategy designed by radical feminism, exercised via RESPECT to prevent couple counselling work. Clearly the pro-family and non- radical pro-feminist voices within RELATE are now gaining the courage of their convictions to counter that policy.
The statistics are given at the following link:
When RESPECT's membership programmes fail to engage with men, which the large majority very largely do, the men leave, frustrated, having learnt nothing or very little new. CAFCASS makes membership of RESPECT and adhering to RESPECT'S former "Principles and minimum standards of practice" a condition for "approval" of this type of work. County Councils are "advised" to do the same thing by radical feminist dominated domestic violence forums in a similar way. The attempt is to force Britain into the same situation which has dominated America for 35 years - DULUTH and minimal effective outcomes!
Much more sensible suggestions are available at this address.
They are very largely principles we have been following for the last 15 years.
The book: "Coordinating community responses to domestic
violence", Chapter: "components of Community Intervention Projects" ,
batterer intervention programmes" contains quotes you can read at this
Jacqueline Campbell characterised these programmes as
an attempt to create a firewall against therapeutic practices..... .
This firewall was successfully built." Page 134. (Many other quotes are
contained on page 6 of this website.) Radical feminists were and are worried that "therapeutic work" will undermine their potential income, for helping women. The Duluth abuser programme advocated by RESPECT delivered by DVIP and several others is the "FIREWALL" to prevent effective, therapeutic work with abusers from taking place.
Radical feminists and politicians lured by the word "integrated" currently seek background work to be undertaken in the radical feminist devised "power and control" model. For the vast majority of cases "power and control" is not an issue! Emotion drives behaviour, not an overriding desire for "power and control". How do we know? It is our experience and even the originator says so in the above book, the quote is on page.
Psychologists' report extract on a successful TEMPER client from 2002. The remainder of the report is on page 4
A Victim Empathy questionnaire. The most striking
characteristic was his 'Don't Knows'. His responses were at variance with
non-offending men. He showed very little appreciation of how the victim might
At current testing, there have been significant changes in his answers.
Comment Mr W now presents as a man with averagely
good self-esteem. He does not complain of emotional loneliness. He has become considerably less guarded, tense,
aggressive and impulsive. He is also much less hostile and mistrustful of
When I last saw Mr W I found that he had a range of
personality problems characterised by impulsivity, aggression, poor perspective
taking and lower than average empathic concern for others. His perspective
taking ability and empathic concern for others has improved partly through
maturation but also through the help he received on the Anger Management
Programme he attended.
Mr W's personality profile has changed as he has
matured and received treatment and he no longer exhibits the aggressive and
impulsive tendencies which characterized his previous presentation.