For those seeking help to address / change their abusive behaviour to a wife or husband, a partner or former partner. Dates for our next courses are at this link. You can also make payments or donations via the same link. An application form can be downloaded from this link in word or from this in PDF but it is best to call one of the 3 numbers available. We start a new course in London very nearly every month, 10 per year, and in Birmingham our plan was to run 6 courses but we have now scaled that back to enable us to work elsewhere. The next start in Birmingham is Sept 30th and Oct 1st.
This website is undergoing re-construction
For those seeking help to address / change their abusive and or violent behaviour to a wife or
husband, a partner or former partner.
The safety of children needs to be the primary focus in this
type of work. That is why Temper Domestic Violence is gender neutral in its
work, enabling both men and women in heterosexual and gay and lesbian
relationships the opportunity to take part and bring about in themselves
changes which will improve the safety of their children, their partners,
current and future and themselves.
What is Temper?
Temper is a registered charity focused mainly on working
with people whose behaviour in their intimate relationships is a cause for
concern. We work closely with aggressive
people to help them understand why they behave in such ways and to help them
bring about changes in their behaviour.
Temper was devised
in 1994/5 and improvements are continuously being made in the light of the experience
of more than 1,000 clients who have completed the work, both men and women, and
the availability of much greater research into what works and what doesn't and
also the explosion in knowledge surrounding emotions which neuroscience has
We work on the basis
that emotions drive behaviour, not "power and control".
"Anger management" is often what is deemed to be needed by the
authorities and this was where we started. But emotions drive behaviour. It is
more likely that an individual will need to learn how to "regulate" his or
her emotions. Anger may well be one of them, but some cases are really much
more about the primary emotions of fear, or disgust, or trust and other
secondary, discrete emotions, shame, jealousy, envy and others.
Temper's intensive, therapeutically informed course is designed to help bring
about changes in the behaviours associated with domestic violence. The focus
may be on all or any of the following:
physical violence, verbal
abuse, aggression, emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse.
Before participants can be accepted onto the programme an
initial assessment meeting lasting between 1 or 2 hours is required. Most
usually this meeting is in the client's own home or near to where the client
lives. When this is not possible then a Face-time, Skype or telephone interview
Each course runs as
a closed group. To complete the program takes two weekends, usually one month
apart. The total course time is
36 hours over the two weekends. The intervening time allows what has been
learnt in the first half to be practised and processed and developed in the
second half. Both halves of the work must be completed in the same group. A very
small percentage of clients require more extensive work. This may then be
offered by Temper or referrals or suggestions made as to other, more specific, and
useful sources of help.
Our main focus is the abusive person. There is relatively
speaking masses of help available for female victims, funded by approximately
£298m and virtually none at all for men, victims or abusers. Contact
information for other supporting organisation is available on the
There are a maximum of 8 places available per course. We
believe in early and effective intervention so we always try to engage with the
client as quickly as possible because of the risks involved to all
concerned. Our target is to meet with
clients within two weeks of their initial contact with us. Following an
individual's contact it usually takes about three weeks to a month to complete all
the initial processes prior to taking part in a group course. Our experience is
that last-minute arrivals tend to be impulsive and either not join a group or
settle into the work. But, if there is a space available, we will always do our
best to engage with late arriving individuals.
Often people are very distressed by their own behaviours and
by the consequences of becoming separated particularly from their children but
also in many cases from a partner, too. This service offers "first
aid" help about how to manage the immediate circumstances of feeling
desperate. Other helping organisations are listed here.
Some people can become intensely suicidal following the
split-up from their family. Suicidal and other very desperate thoughts are not
uncommon. The Samaritans are often a very good source of help at extreme
moments. Their national number is, 08457 90 90 90, they also offer an email service
email@example.com or you
can also ring us on our contact
number. Our help lines are generally open from 8.00 am mornings until about
8.00 pm evenings and approximately 2 weekends per month when we are not working
This begins a process of examining just what the individual
needs and where it might come from. When appropriate (and possible) we also
meet with a partner but this is not a "requirement".
A face-to-face meeting usually takes place in your own home
or somewhere very close to where you live, it is quite all right to have a
partner present - or not. It costs us at least £30 to deliver: this now comes
as a cost to you. For more information about costs, click here. Face-Time,
Skype, google hangouts are also available for on-going support which is
available at no further cost.
These are for people who need to understand the impact of
their behaviour on their partner and their children, to find out what is wrong
with themself and learn ways of changing their behaviours.
Different types of court case
Some people become involved in the criminal justice
system. Cases get tried and an individual is found guilty or not guilty
"beyond reasonable doubt". Other cases appear in the Family courts
where the burden of proof is "on the balance of probability." The
presentation of the case and the "appeal" of the victim appear to
affect the balance of probability.
In the criminal justice system not guilty does not necessarily mean innocent.
Many an individual takes it to mean "innocent" and when their partner still
considers them guilty they cannot understand it. Of course a partner very often
has a very clear idea of exactly what went on. When their "hope for
justice" is thwarted they almost inevitably become very angry. A
defendant, in making their defence, is often "making a liar" of their
FEAR burns events into our neural networks so
that they are remembered (pretty much forever) intrusively and in fine detail:
PTSD gives the clue. "Rage" happens at "1 million miles an hour," the details
are often not remembered. Those two positions are psychologically poles apart. The
one person cannot forget and the other person cannot always remember.
Private law in the family courts. This often concerns divorce, financial
arrangements and child contacts. Decisions by courts are reached on a
"balance of probability" basis, not a "beyond reasonable doubt" basis.
One person's word against the other's is most often what counts. Unfortunately
an adversarial approach also dominates the proceedings. When a judge decides you
are guilty "on the balance of probability," then afterwards you are guilty of what the judge found, whether
you did it or not! That might not match your memory of the reality. However, if
you try to protest that the judgement was not accurate then in some circles you
will be guilty of denying or minimising your
behaviours, or of blaming your partner all of which and any may well
prevent you from accessing a DVPP course, a domestic violence perpetrator
programme. But beware DVPP's are
potentially unsafe for you and or your family!
The arguments are linked below.
There are clear advantages in having a solicitor and or barrister -
"re-presenting" you. The costs can however become enormous.
Many people now resort to representing themselves, becoming a "litigant in
person". An advantage of this is that a court can get to actually know the
individual, rather than know the individual's paper-trail! Some people
additionally make use of McKenzie friends, who will help and support
them in the onerous preparation of their paperwork.
Families Need fathers (FNF) can be a very useful place to find
additional support in managing these situations, and in Birmingham the Shared
Parenting Association runs a similar service.
Many people who become violent and or aggressive and or abusive with a partner
bitterly regret their actions later.
Very few partners would want to stay with someone who treats them badly.
Information for solicitors can be found on the next page, Services.
Guidance for social services referrals can be found on that page, too.
If you are involved with Cafcass you are advised to read this linked page. There is now considerable evidence against the effectiveness of the "RESPECT accredited programmes", so-called DVPP's. Policy-wise CAFCASS still seems to require / recommend them to the Family Courts. Your legal team will need to be aware of the evidence with which to confront Cafcass' recommendations in a court. Since CAFCASS appear to have removed a list of the RESPECT "accredited projects" from their website we have added RESPECT's list here, November 2016. Other projects can be found on a later page, 8, some of which may still be in existence and some which will not.
The course has three main components and a therapeutic thread.
a) Learning new skills with which to manage yourself in a couple relationship and understand yourself and your partner (and children) .
b) Learning about many different important aspects of yourself and your relationship.
c) Developing your awareness so that you can "regulate your emotions", rather than 'simply' managing your anger.
Although in schools people learn a great deal of information by reading and writing, the skills needed for couple relationships are mainly about practical communication. The skills can be developed and observational and reflective processes along with them. It follows that most of the practice is with aural, oral and interpretative skills.
Couple relationships are dependent upon the careful recognition of another person's "emotional communication", so this is, of course, also developed and practised. There is virtually no reading and no writing involved in the course. You learn mainly by doing and practising.
"Therapy" helps people to learn more quickly and more easily and an "emotional/therapeutic thread" helps to motivate people. By following "the thread" people are "engaged with" and thus drawn through the work. This "therapeutic component" is capable of changing "the whole base" on which they exist.
We ourselves were stunned by the progress registered in one client by the one piece of qualitative research into our work which was undertaken on Social Services behalf in the context of child protection.
"Attachment" forms the basis of all intimate relationships and so attachment theory provides the lens, if you like, through which the majority of this work needs to be carried out. When this therapeutic thread is grasped, or if the facilitators are able to make it available, an individual can make enormous progress. The report on "Dave" above clearly illustrates this. It clearly indicates a man who made such enormous progress it would probably not be an exaggeration to say that he was a changed personality, according to the examining psychology team. For people who are not abusers but who wish to understand about emotions and a possible way in which they "work", Emotional Insights provides seminars into a way of understanding primary emotions. www.emotionalinsights.co.uk and a meaningful way of approaching the problems of both abusers and victims and males and females, in both roles and in bi-directionally abusive scenarios, statistically the most common kind!
The more detailed themes of the intensive course are linked here in the
form of "3 strands".
Weekend 1 -Day 1 The child - emotional experiences and basic skills - listening, talking and feeding back
8 primary emotions
Weekend 1 - Day 2 The adolescent - position in the family. Experiential exercises, Developing insight Impact of children witnessing "behaviour".
Weekend 2 - Day 1 The young adult &sexuality. Violence and abuse in the relationship.
Weekend 2 - Day 2 The mature adult / parent. Regulating oneself and the management of personally
Following successful completion of the course, participants
receive a certificate and are entitled to on-going support.
To date more than 900 males and 100 females have completed the course, 100% with around 200
cases commissioned by social services. The course has also been
accepted by over 20 courts including family courts, many of which are named in page 2.
The course we devised 21 years ago has been improved
upon ever since. It runs currently in Birmingham, most usually Ward End, or another Birmingham suburb and in North London, most usually Harrow.
Bringing a programme to your area:
Supported by referrals from Social Services it takes about 3 months to bring a programme to a new area. In a first year this would mean providing 3 courses for potentially 24 (but realistically 18) people, extendable to match just less than demand in subsequent years.
0203 286 4482, 0121 270 61 68, 01604 211 445
Additionally there is a new Skype number for victims that need to talk face to face and at greater length: Temper.Domesticviolence
Additionally in London we are making a concerted effort to engage with young families and particularly where a woman is pregnant or there are recently born or very young children in the family.
Emotions drive behaviour, not "power and control".
"Anger management" is
often what is deemed to be needed by the authorities. But since emotions drive behaviour
it is more likely that you need to learn how to "regulate your emotions
". Anger may well be one of them, but some cases are really more about
fear, or jealousy or "attachment".
"Affect regulation" is the expression for the new therapies which are now quickly emerging, resulting from the new sciences which are converging on emotions and which are slowly supplanting "Cognitive behavioural therapy" CBT.
Assuming you finish the course, we will continue to support you for up to a year by telephone and email and, for people who need it, further face-to-face work is available. Usually we want to make contact with youa further 3 times after 2 months, 6 months and 1 year to hear and check out how you are managing with your new skills.
If our project does not appear right for you or you are too far away to make use of it we would advise you to be very cautious when approaching the (pro-) feminist, RESPECT aligned projects. One man's experience of DVIP is recorded here. Many of the projects in the UK are named in our last page, linked here. You may find alternatives at this link. Counselling-directory.org.uk .
"RESPECT" is currently the government approved and therefore Cafcass approved so-called "accreditor" of domestic violence perpetrator programmes, so-called DVPP's.
Our detailed criticisms of the type of programmes they accredit can be found at this address.
We work in roughly a 30 mile radius of Birmingham, Northampton and now North London. People travel in daily for two whole days' work at the weekend and return again to the same group usually 1 month later. Determined people with transport and who can afford a room for a Saturday night (about £50) if booked a week in advance by internet direct with the hotel) travel from much further afield, Plymouth to Norwich, for example, in the past, and Scotland to Birmingham.
The work is exhausting so we recommend not traveling in further than 1 hour per day to the venue. For people needing to use public transport, services are, unfortunately, sometimes not available to get you to the venue for a 9.00 start on a Sunday. On Sundays we will pick up people in central Birmingham to get them to the venue on time.
In North West London the current venue is about 5 minutes walk from a tube station.
Most often our clients are in heterosexual relationships but gay men and lesbian women have also taken part successfully and without apparent difficulty.
We are mainly focused on sources of help for abusers rather than victims. There is relatively speaking masses of help available for female victims, and virtually none for men, victims or abusers. Contact information is available on the following page